Hey guys, it's Jen. This super random workplace memory just occurred to me which was that, when I was living on my own for the first time, I was working the same job I had since I was dropping out of high school. Yeah, I was an excellent employee, I guess. I guess for a mafia shell company to have, to keep on the books tax-free.
But during that time, I was in a relationship where I was on the Depo-Provera shot for birth control, which made me gain a fuck-ton of weight. And also at the same time, I was having, I guess, my first flare-ups of whatever colon sensitivity I have and… And I was getting the first symptoms that I noticed, looking back, the first symptoms of what would be, what I think now is a fructose allergy. And that allergy, or intolerance, rather, presented itself in very, very liquid shit. Very loud. Very painful. Very hot. Very boo-blay. Liquid shit. And I couldn't control it.
It would happen, of course, at work, because I was just eating the junk that was upsetting my stomach, just eating it at work for lunch… In a large loft that had paper thin walls— I guess they were just ideas of walls, between the bathroom and the main office. Because I knew that you can hear people using the bathroom, I decided to start coughing to cover up my dumps, my lovely lady dumps. But I realized that that wasn't the best idea when this one bitch who had a problem with something I said one day said, Why don't you go throw up some more?
And I was like, oh, so it just sounds like I'm puking… And I, just now, in the bathroom while I was in a sneezing fit, I realized that they probably thought I was pregnant which is… Hilariously ironic now. Now it's so fucking funny.
Gross. Yeah, so that just occurred to me. I just remembered that.
I'll talk more about the mob someday. That's actually— Man that was so long ago, but it was so many years of my life in the grand scheme of things. Currently it was about ten percent. Alright well, I'll see you guys some other time. We'll talk about that then. Thanks!
[~*guitar solo*~]
Trimmy Trims: Coughing in the Bathroom at Work