Hey y'all. Hey yinz. It's Jen. We're doing a Trimmy Trim of listener mail today because… I gotta go to my trash. I did trash it, because it bothered me. But then I was like why did I let this bother me? I think it's the objectification. It's the objectification that bothered me. But then I realized how funny and stupid the objectification is, and then it didn't bother me so much.
So I'm wearing exactly what I was wearing yesterday. For those who aren't watching, I am wearing an old tube style bikini top that literally goes from my armpits to the bottom of my rib cage because it's too big. I'm always conflicted on the inside robe versus the outside robe. But look, it's my newest one, it's got no stains on it; I'm actually probably going to wear this to the dispensary in a minute.
All that to say that what I'm wearing is not in any way overtly sexual. Perhaps the imagination is better than the reality, because I received this email on my website contact form… This person took it upon themselves to email me from, you know, by filling out the form with fake email, no name and stuff. And well, this is what they said:
I watched your stream for like five minutes because your bathrobe kept popping open when you bent forward and you kept flashing the camera in between.
But the thing is: no, I didn't. So it really is just the imagination because no, I didn't. It's hilarious. So anyway, this person caught a glimpse of tube top cleave— non voluminous, stretch marked tube top cleave— and imagined that there was something showing to the camera in between. And you know what's really extra kind of embarrassing for both of us about this, is that I know what my boobs look like when I lean forward and they turn into the weirdest sinewy tube socks with a cue ball in the bottom. Like, they'd make a fine prison weapon. But that's like, not hot, in my opinion.
And so I think it's interesting that this is just the barest, the merest dimension of potential flesh. I keep looking down at at my chest and thinking, what the fuck are you talking about? It almost— [stuttering] the imagination, the delusion, the lack of fact, in using your eyeballs, it's mind blowing. This is delusion in real time in real life. He thinks he saw something that he didn't see, because that's what he wanted to see. That's so crazy.
You kept flashing the camera in between my trying to find out what AI prompts I would use to generate you, which is also weird. What AI prompts I would use? I don't know, man, fucking learn how to use colored pencil or something. You know, if this is what you're gonna do, draw me like one of your French girls.
Effort! This is what people mean when they say chivalry is dead, is that this motherfucker doesn't even want to physically, artistically create with his own hand, some fantasy version of me. He wants to have the computer do it. That's weird. That's… there's a word for that. That's like, almost like GAY.
It's something along that line. VIRGIN. You know what I mean?
You kept flashing the camera in between my trying to find out what AI prompts I would use to generate you. Hot spinster. Wineaunt is one word. Thanos.
This is not my first rodeo being called a bulky video game character. I looked up Thanos. I see the resemblance. I'm still offended, which also feels like the intention. I have a hard time believing— maybe I shouldn't—but I have a hard time believing that people would be into a feminized version of Thanos. But then again, muscle mommies are a thing.
There's, there's just a lot wrong with all these words combined. Wineaunt. I'm not even drunk. I'm not a drinker. I'm a smoker. Is wineaunt just kind of synonymous with spinster? Okay, let's look up the definition of spinster. Spinster definition, derogatory, dated, and unmarried women, typically an older woman beyond the usual age for marriage. What's the usual age for marriage these days? Also, I'm not unmarried! I am both divorced and widowed, and I am currently in a long term partnership. I don't know that I'm a spinster. I guess that's maybe my biggest problem with it is that it's inaccurate. Elsewise, why is it derogatory? It just sounds like a fact. It's like when people say fat. It's like fat is a fact, it doesn't have to be weighted with meaning. But that's just me, I guess, thinking that.
Alright, spinster. What age is considered a spinster? Past the age considered ideal for marriage. This age varied by time period and location. I would say currently I am of the marrying age I feel like, especially in a place like LA. I have been the marrying age of all the places I've lived when I was married in them. How about that? I'm not a spinster. I did it right on time. First one at 25, second one at 35. Right on time for my location. It's not my fault that they didn't uphold their end of the bargain, one of them by dying.
Wineaunt. Wine aunt definition. Oh, one of them was cool, wine aunt. Child free. Okay. At least somewhat alcoholic. Again, I'm not single, but there wouldn't be any problem if I were. I like to play with people's perceptions and judgments. And one of them is that I carry around a paper bag that is insulated to hold a beverage. I mean, I guess I understand the perception of me as a drunk. It's obviously visibly incorrect. I'm not pouring myself glasses of wine. I'm loading myself bongaroonies. It's different. However, I am the one who is always fucked up at my friend's baby's parties.
Okay. Now what we're going to do, what we're going to do is we're going to AI generate based on these prompts. Let's see. Where do I do AI photos at? Where do I make an AI picture?
The first time I was ever compared to a over-large, to a buff, a female wrestling style video game character was in fact, Alexandra Zaryanova, or you may know her as Zarya from Overwatch. And that is completely fucking accurate. If you needed to AI me, you would just put Zarya in the hoodie. [Nope.]1
Hot, spinster, wineaunt, Thanos. What do I want to do? Do I want an illustration? Do I want a photo? Do I want a 3D? I am going to assume dark is the one that that guy would pick.
I mean, excuse me. These women are way, way hotter than me. That first generation didn't go well at all. It definitely gave like, this one woman is stunning. She looks like, just like every beautiful woman combined. These girls all have five fingers. The hand is a little funny though. Holding the bottle, it looks like a monkey's holding it. It's a little weird, but like, wow. Oh, I guess I hold it like that.
Okay. So that's the most accurate thing about this is the stupid way this AI generated woman is holding a bottle is actually the way my hand goes. Fuck. This is, this turned out to be more offensive than I think even the author knew when he wrote it to me. How dare!
[Realizing] Thanos from Squidgames2. That is so that's hilarious. All right. So screenshots of these AI characters that I have created are available on my substack. I just don’t think it’s possible to AI generate me. You’re never going to get what you want, in AI or in real life.
[~*guitar solo*~]
An attempt was made to mashup the Squidgames character, but AI seems to only be aware of season 1.
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