Bruce Hard with a Vengeance

Hey guys, this is part 3 of A Guy Named Bruce. If you don't know what's going on, check out parts 1 & 2.

Hey guys, it's Jen. I'm back to talk more about Bruce.

The last time I shared my story on the internet, on TikTok, a comment asked me why I thought he did this. And the thing is, I don't think there's just one reason. I think it was a lot of things. Like I told him then, I have had a lot of time to think about all the answers.
But I realized that there's really more than one why. There's... Why did he ask for a second chance? Why did he want to stay in touch? Why did he potentially make up this whole thing? Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, but it is genuinely my belief that... Well, we'll get to that.
Why respond to a sexual profile? hich is genuinely what I had, I really laid it all out on the line, like... I mean, I really wanted to advertise exactly what I was looking for. If he wasn't it, then why did he match with me in the first place?
I don't think that the questions are mutually exclusive, and I don't think the answers are either. I think that there's a lot of overlap in all of the reasons. These are in no particular order, but the order in which I wrote them down. So, I guess they are an order that came to me for some reason. Perhaps this is how I weigh them.

The first thing I wrote down is, uh, well, I'm hot. I mentioned that Bruce told me that I was his dream girl, and he was always embarrassed to like girls who looked like me. And I don't know if he meant chubby or alternative or both. Yeah, people think that, and then they aren't comfortable with it.
It could be about my appearance, but it could also be about the herpes, which I'm also upfront about, as it's listed in my profile. Unfortunately, I'm used to this. I've had hookups change their minds after getting a beej; I've had potential guys ask for a full-body bikini photos to decide if I'm worth the risk; One guy I actually was in a relationship with for a year (somehow, after this), he picked me up by my armpits and threw me out of his apartment because he didn't understand the risks, even as I was explaining them to him. So.
And yet another freaked out and washed his dick in the sink with dish soap, like he was Steven Tyler losing his virginity. A man I never even took my pants off with called me in tears over what turned out to be an ingrown hair.
They're so afraid, which is annoying and unattractive, but I'm hot, so they do it anyway. And then they freak out and become vicious at me. Like, I'm the exposure therapy for their shame. It's fucked up. I wish I weren't so hot. /S

Speaking of shame, Bruce could have been in the closet. And I know it sounds like, I know it's like come on Jen, not everybody who doesn't want to fuck you is gay. But the thing is, I think that we're all a little bit gay. And in fact, I would argue that we should be mostly gay anyway, with only hetero activities occurring for breeding purposes, and right now the earth is full. And as someone who's been married to multiple queers, and pretty much considers myself one except for the biological craving for a physically natural penis… there was a hint of queer in Bruce.
If I was perfect, but he was often disgusted by me, then what did he like about my physical form as a woman, except in an idolistic sense? He was so bothered by the guys in the pool hall, I thought for a minute that maybe he knew them in a different way. And besides, he said he had daddy energy, which is a very gay thing to say. You have to kind of be very close to queerness to know that? And one time he said bussy and I was like, who taught you this? It's like when you find somebody straight laces their shoes, you're like, where'd you get this from? Fuck.
So how could he have so many kids if he was gay? Like obviously he was able to fuck a few women, right? And the thing is, Caitlyn Jenner has like eight children, okay? A lot of the time it seems to me that queer men in the closet seek out perfect facades, including a hot wife and a plentiful family.

Maybe I wasn't fancy enough for the facade. He wasn't the first person who seemed fully suffocated by my studio apartment. Usually these guys were supposed professionals, [but] who had roommates and stained carpets. And I was the house that we always ended up at, even though it was too small. Like if you're here all the fucking time, what's the problem?
Bruce in particular seemed disappointed when he came in the building and saw, well, and learned and saw that I lived in literally what was sold to me as the smallest unit, which I found charming and adorable. But also it was in the armpit of the building, just in a crook that got no light and no ventilation; The only air I got was my neighbor's cigarette smoke.
I get the things that there are to not like about that place, but it was tiny and pink and perfect. And just like my vagina, you were lucky to be welcomed inside. But I don't think it was enough for him to, for Bruce to want to take over. Like, I don't think it was something, I don't think I was wealthy enough. I don't think my place was nice enough for him to want to latch on to me in that way.
I never went to his house. He did have what looked like a studio above a garage in some neighborhood, but I never went inside and yeah. I assume it was the same size as mine and he wanted more.

Also, one time I expressed my wistfulness at my queer ex-husband buttoning up in his romantic choices, which was not at all what I had expected or predicted based on how we divorced. And Bruce was like, he said something about… sometimes people veer away from what is expected of them because they want something different than who they are… or something like that.
Like, I could be giving him too much credit, but one of the things that I liked about him was that I think he was accidentally wise. And in a way, I think that it was confusing to him when I liked him for him and for the things that he said. Which I'm sure, as a narcissist he'd really appreciate that kind of credit.
That time near the end of our speaking to each other when he offered to jerk off on FaceTime for me, he was in what looked like a midwestern luxury new build basement apartment. I kind of thought that maybe he was at his mother's house in the suburbs, but now I think he might have been in the house of the woman he chose to continue to manipulate instead of me. Her name was also Jen, by the way, I found her on Facebook. I also know she had a new baby because Facebook told me, and I wondered if it was his. He also mentioned that he'd met another girl back when visiting his potentially contentious mother, another girl who reminded him of me. I found her Instagram, and I did agree that we seemed similar. I got it; he had a type for sure. Except she also had a new baby…

And I had been sterilized during my first marriage. And I rejoiced in being fixed, and it was part of my sex positivity. Bruce was kind of reassured, but he was also dismayed that he'd had a vasectomy at his second wife's behest, because he repeatedly told me that he didn't really feel like it was his choice. I kind of don't sympathize with that frame of reference coming from somebody who already has four children. I have heard of women requesting vasectomies of their husbands when the men have had affairs, so as not to spoil the inheritance for their own families. So there's that too.
Bruce would say things about his sterilization, like he told me his stories over and over again, and now I think that it's because he was dating other people and he just couldn't remember who he told what to. At least one other person I know for sure, obviously.
But he would always say that the doctor said that he had tough tissue, tough tissue, and I kind of felt, like… The first time, I thought he was sharing a medical anecdote. The second through eighth times, I thought he was hinting that it was ineffective preemptively, in case I got knocked up, which would explain his Instagram friends list full of single mothers. Either he made all these babies through trick means, or he was out there just befriending mothers of fresh ass babies for no reason, huh?

I have had to do a lot of rips while recording this because well, I guess because thinking about this stuff stresses me the fuck out. I gotta say, like, it helps me process the things that happened by talking about them, obviously. And like I said, I've done a lot of thinking about this— This occurred years ago, you guys— but I've done a lot of thinking about it. And this isn't the only thing I've done a lot of thinking about, so it's not as though I'm hung up on this dude. He occurred to me as a thing to think about and I found his screenshots and that's how this all came back up for me.

Since I didn't fit any of his needs anymore, he stopped liking me, even though he probably did like me in the same way that I liked him. But him not liking me couldn't just be neutral, it had to be antagonistic.
He always mocked certain things I said and then, when I enjoyed something and I would laugh at something he'd say, he'd make sure not to do it again. Whenever I would talk about my past living in the South, he would interject Hot!-lanna, because I told him that I thought it was annoying when people called it that. And so he just started to say it whenever I mentioned anything. And I eventually thought it was funny that he was keeping up the shtick, like I started to laugh at it instead of being frustrated. I think it was even in Palm Springs that he realized that. I may have even said so, like, now it makes me giggle, but it used to frustrate me. And he he was like, hmm, well, hmm, like just disappointed that I was giggling at his intended annoyance, you know?
He also used to tell me all these stories about all the people he fucked, the ways he liked to fuck, really penthouse-y type things about the ways he's had sex. And it was almost like he would dangle these stories in front of me, and when I didn't get jealous of them… And I tend to think that when guys talk about things like that, they are just sharing, but they don't know that they are being assholes. I think that he knew that he was being an asshole and he was testing me to see how I would react. And when I didn't react, then he needed to make me react.
I couldn't have it… Well, I could, if only I changed indefinable things about me that either I wasn't picking up on the hints of, or he told me that he hated the thing about me directly in public, loudly proclaiming that I am never to wear these sandals again because they make me taller than him.
First of all, I look hot as fuck. Second of all, these are the only shoes that literally don't hurt my feet in any way. He offered to buy me another pair of shoes again and I agreed. So I was like, yeah, okay buy me more shoes. That's cool. But he never followed through. We didn't have too many dates after that, and none of them called for the heels, especially not going out in the desert. So I never had the opportunity. But, like, if only I figured out the code, if only I'd said this or done that, then I would have got what I wanted supposedly, right?

He basically said as much when he recanted on tape. Bruce didn't know that I'd started recording, but when he told me that he wasn't actually afraid of me and he did all this because I said that I wanted to be sexually dominated and— Fuck, it's still a stupid— It's still the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. Like what a fucking moron, it's not what that means. Besides, if we'd had like a conversation about the limits of domination I would have definitely told him that orgasm denial is a red.
This is a larger complaint I would have overall with, like, supposedly dominant men is that most of them don't know what the fuck they're doing, and they have some kind of really bizarre idea of what it means to dominate somebody.
It almost felt like he created some psychosexual fantasy about himself as this very fuckable teenager and young adult, and then like embodied what he thought a dominant teenager would become at age 40. And then he acted like that, like, this was a method for him.
This is actually a huge problem I have with the D/s community in general, and why I'm not a part of it and I don't go to the clubs and I don't go to things like that. It's because people do things like this, and do a lot of unsafe things without discussion of any kind.
Now like do I actually think that he thought he was being dom? Like yes, I think he thought he was playing some kind of mental game. So many people in the scene are like— First of all they separate— I don't separate sex from spanking but a lot of people do. Like a lot of people would not have sex after like… belting people. And I just don't agree with that as like… I think that if you're— I think that spanking somebody is so much more intimate than fucking them, that it's a ridiculous thing to withhold on.
Personally I think that my brain damage has caused my nerves to react to certain stimuli in a very fun and exciting way that adds a little bit of variety in the bedroom, if you know what I mean. And I don't think that's true for, like, anybody else in the whole fucking joint, because my experiences have been so… unpleasant. There's so many people out there who are processing trauma and expressing their anger at women. And even if you talk to a dominatrix, usually they get started because they hate men. So it's like, I really don't want to tie sexual release up with so much hatred. I want to be ravaged and I want my nerves to be stimulated, I don't want it to be you re-traumatizing yourself.

Which is actually here where I can validate the idea that perhaps he did have some of the trauma that he told me about, at least some root cause of it. Because if it's all made up, then he really spent a lot of time thinking about this, exactly in the same way that I spent a lot of time thinking about why. And I feel like that might be a little more concerning. I mean, genuinely.
I don't know if you guys watch Love Is Blind, but there was this one guy Chris, who comes off as a softboy, and he says that people always think of him as like, a ladies man playboy type. But he says it with this really nerdy voice and everybody's like, Okay Chris. Okay, sure. You're a real ladies man, right?
And then during the dating portion he confesses that he feels that he lost his virginity in a forced manner, and he struggled with being raped for a very long time. And the woman he ended up with was— you know, thought he was really genuine and sensitive for sharing that that happened to him.
Which is the fucking trick, I'm gonna tell you. Because then it turned out that he was the biggest fucking cheater in the goddamn joint. And this is the thing: it's possible that he had sexual trauma. But the way that these men use it to control the situation when really they should just get some motherfucking therapy? and then they end up treating you like shit. It's like, I don't care that you've been molested, it doesn't mean you get to be an asshole. Again, so he says but then he also recanted on tape. So this other guy says on Netflix, but then he also cheats on netflix.

[Bruce] may have avoided talking to me through his birthday weekend to go to the bondage club party without having to explain anything to me. I'd previously made it very clear that I thought this joint was full of boring and ugly people who spend a lot of time tying knots you can only wear for four minutes. And no one comes, it's like building a sexual sandcastle.
He agreed at the time, but of course he had a habit of agreeing to things that he later resented. Maybe he was just ghosting me because he felt insecure about it, Like he felt insecure about anime at that time, so the way that he was going to mentally dominate me was by destroying my sex positive profile, which is why he tried to stereotype me in so many different ways. It's probably why he was inventing threats to our relationship and overthinking it so much.
The problem is, I’m too empathetic. He once told me this beautiful sepia-toned story about his ex-wife and her unique nose, and by the end of it I was rooting for them to get back together. I was crying and he could hear it. I was like, yeah, it was such a romantic story. And he was like, oh, yeah, I guess it was. Like, he was really disappointed; It did not have the result that he thought.

It is possible that the vendetta was a little more personal, too. A long time ago, I turned down a guy who looked like Bruce on OKCupid. I do think that before I met Bruce, I probably talked to a profile of his with different pictures. Because I feel like sometimes people put up better looking people to test the waters and see what kind of responses people get, and catfish in that way. And he may have met me before on there and gathered information from such conversations, because there were so many times I had really cool conversations with people, and then they just didn't even ask me out, and I was like, that's so weird, okay.
So, it's possible that he had been holding on to that grudge for a couple years. After all his kid was two years old, and maybe that's the last time he went online dating. And maybe he saw me on Tinder, and remembered that conversation, where I turned him down, and he decided to fuck with me.
It sounds ridiculous, but it's happened before. That's a different story that maybe I'll cover next week. Those are all the whys I can think of for why Bruce did this. Again, it is possible that he went through the things that he did. But just because that happens to you, it doesn't mean you get to do the things that he did.

[~*guitar solo*~]

Jen: Hey, babe. Can I ask you a question?

Jason: Sure, but sorry. Go ahead.

Jen: When is the last time you said the word bussy?

Jason: …I don’t know what that is… Butt pussy? Is that what that means? I've only read it, I've never said it.

Jen: Okay.

Jason: I never even typed it really…